


Written In The Stars

by JellyJiggle



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Wolfstar - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Bi, Cigarettes, Coming Out, Gay, M/M, Self Harm, mentions of abuse, mentions of self harm, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 18:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17006688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JellyJiggle/pseuds/JellyJiggle
Summary: Sirius had been distant from the other Marauders recently and Remus finds out why.





	Written In The Stars

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I have ever posted online so... yeah. There are mentions of self harm (not too much detail, as someone who previously suffered this I myself get triggered from it being over-explained so didn’t want to do that) and references to abuse. There’s also kissing but nothing more.
> 
> Let me know what you think!

November was cold and dreary, more so than it was the previous year and Remus couldn’t decide whether everyone felt that way or if it was the loss of connection between himself and Sirius that had created an insufferable chill that only he could feel.  
Sirius had been quiet for months, only speaking to the other three boys when necessary and talking to Remus even less than the other two. This hurt him but he was far to worried about his friend to care. He’d miss breakfast most days and show up late for classes. Sirius did sometimes skip class but Remus could tell something was off when it became a daily occurrence.  
He had brought up the subject with James but he’d just tell him to give him space and that he’ll be okay. Remus wanted to believe him but this had gone on for too long and he hated seeing Sirius suffer alone like this.

“James, it could be bad. He’s not himself.” Remus stated as he walked towards the Gryffindor table next to James who was fiddling with his tie before he took a seat next to Peter.

“He’s just having a funny moment mate” he grabbed some toast from the table and bit into it and continued speaking, “he’ll be back to normal any time soon.” He spoke with his mouth full.

“What if he’s not? It’s been months” Remus sat before he carried on, “Why aren’t you bothered by this James? He hasn’t spoken to us for days.” 

“Maybe you should just ask him” Peter mumbled as he took a bite of a sausage. Remus felt alone in this. He sighed before getting up from his seat.

He hears a “Where you going?” from James before he leaves the great hall and makes his way back to the Gryffindor common room. He walks through the portrait hole and into the troubled friend in question.

“Sirius! Where have you been?” He asked trying not to sound too desperate for an answer. Sirius avoided eye contact with the taller boy.

“I was just getting dressed” he said plainly, squeezing past Remus.

“Wait-“ Remus grabs his arm and he knew instantly that he shouldn’t have when Sirius tugs it out of his grasp as if in pain. Remus’ mouth goes dry. Why is Sirius looking at him like he hates him? Remus felt anger and heartbreak but kept it concealed as he asked “What’s been going on with you?” Sirius looks away again. Remus can’t tell if his facial expression is sad or angry.

“Just leave me alone Remus.” It’s harsh and leaves a burn in Remus’ throat. He stares as Sirius as he walks down the stairs with tears threatening to fall.

After a moment, he goes up to the boys dormitory and goes across to James’ trunk to retrieve the invisibility cloak. He was going to figure out what was wrong with Sirius.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

The last class of the day had just ended, not that Remus paid any attention to anything all day. He threw his books into his school bag and left the Charms classroom. 

“What exactly are you planning on doing, Remus?” James questions as he yanks his bag up on his shoulder. 

“I don’t really know, just sit and wait I suppose?” He pauses, “The way he spoke, James. If you had heard it. He looked at me as if he was planning to kill me.” Remus admitted quietly.

“Maybe he is.” James joked. 

“Please take this seriously. I’m worried about him. You should be too.” Remus said bluntly. 

“Well of course I’m worried Moony, I just think he’s in some sort of phase.” Remus doesn’t respond but knows that he’s wrong.

/////////

Time seemed to move incredibly slow as Remus waited, pretending to read or do homework in the common room. One by one, the Gryffindor students filtered out and up to bed, including the four boys. Remus sat on his bed with his curtains drawn, just waiting quietly for something... anything. 

He must have dozed off for a while, sitting cross-legged with his head resting on his hand without realising, until he was woken up by heavy breathing and the sounds of rustling fabric. He squeezed his eyes shut and then blinked a few times to focus on the sounds. There was quiet sobbing and Remus knew it was Sirius. He wanted nothing more than to go across to his bed and comfort him but he stayed, silent and unmoving. The breathing got louder and there was a sudden low shout and then more sobbing. It made Remus jump and cover his mouth as he gasped. The sobbing slowly stopped and the breathing slowed down. Remus heard the slide of curtains, the slight squeak of a mattress and then footsteps and then he heard the door open and close. He rushed to throw open the curtains to his bed and drape the invisibility cloak over his head. He opened the door as quietly as possible and walked down the steps. When he was in the common room he saw that Sirius was standing in front of the fire with a blanket over his shoulders, shaking slightly with his head dropped forward. Remus meandered around the settee and armchair and watched the broken boy in-front of him from the side; he was crying softly with a pain-contorted face, trembling and clutching onto the blanket around him. Remus’ heart was beating faster than normal and all he wanted to do was fight whatever it was that hurt him.   
Sirius sat down on the floor and buried his face in his hands. Remus watched him, feeling slightly guilty for intruding on Sirius’ vulnerability. 

“I hate you.” It confuses Remus for a moment. He feels like crying. How did he know he was there? He was about to take the cloak off and apologise but Sirius continues, “Why can’t you just be normal?”. He moves his fingers up and into his hair where he grabs and leans forward more and rocks a little, sobbing again. Remus’ eyebrows lowered with concern, realising he was talking to himself. Sirius’ grasp on his hair loosened and he dragged his hands down his face and then sits and stares into the flames of the fire. The way his face looked in the flickering light made Remus’ heart beat even faster and he had to close his eyes for a moment to snap out of the daze. With his arms now stretched out in front of him and his hair messy, Remus’ eyes wandered to the red marks scattered across the other boy’s arm. He thought there were only a few but the longer he looked, the more he noticed. Some darker than others and all different shapes. Just little round marks. The blanket around Sirius slipped down and revealed more on his upper arm and Remus inhaled sharply as he realised what they were. He wanted to cry and hold Sirius but he was frozen with his eyes glued to the cigarette burns Sirius had given himself. Sirius’ eyes squeezed shut and tears rolled down his cheeks again and Remus couldn’t take it anymore. He tore the cloak off and knelt down next to Sirius.

“Sirius...” he spoke quietly. Sirius startled and leant away from Remus, breathing quickly and grabbed Remus’ shirt. His face was tense but slowly softened as his eyes filled with tears again. Remus pulled the other boy into a tight hug, one hand stroking his hair and Sirius cried into his chest, pulling on the back of Remus’ jumper. His crying is desperate and they stay there for what seems like an hour. He slowly calms down to Remus’ shushing and just lets himself be held. He moves away finally and wipes his eyes.

“How long have you been watching?” He asks almost timidly, looking at the ground.

“I heard you having a nightmare and followed you down here” Remus confesses. “Sorry”. Sirius nods once. “Sirius...” Remus waits until he looks up at him, when he does it breaks his heart to see how broken he is, lifeless. “How long have you been doing this?” He runs his fingers across some burns on the other boy’s forearm. Sirius’s shoulders drop slightly as he closes his eyes gently.

“Since the summer.” He admits. Remus is trying to seem strong here but he just wants to break down. He hated that he was hurting bad enough to do that to himself.

“Can I ask why?” He says still holding back his emotions. Sirius looks back into the fire.

“There are a lot of answers to that. I don’t really know what to say.” He says quietly. “I started doing it because of my parents,” Remus saw his jaw clench. “they found something out and... they...” he lowered his head again with his eyes squeezed shut. Knowing what went on at the Black household, Remus understood what he was saying and placed a hand on his back. 

“It’s okay. I understand.” Remus whispered. And Sirius lifted his head again. He let him stay silent for a while.

“That’s why I’ve been ignoring you since September. I don’t want to lose you” Remus knew he was talking about James and Peter too but for a split second he let himself believe he was speaking of only him.

“Why would you lose us?” Remus asked. 

“If you think the same way as they do... there’s a chance none of you would talk to me anymore. I don’t want that.” 

Remus sighs.

“Sirius. None of us are anything like them okay? You’ll never lose us. As far as I’m concerned, we’re your family. Not them...Look at me,” Sirius looks up at Remus before he continues, “you can tell me.” He tells him softly.

Sirius looks away from Remus and closes his eyes momentarily. Remus notices that Sirius’ lower lip is quivering and there are tears rolling down his cheeks again. Sirius takes a breath.

“I’m gay.”

It was quiet; barely above a whisper, but there was no mistaking what Sirius had just confessed. Remus’ chest hurt from seeing the fear and pain in the other boy’s face. He reaches forward with his left hand and places it on Sirius’ right cheek, turning his face towards him. 

“Hey... you don’t have to be afraid. I’m proud you told me and I accept you. I would love you no matter what.” Remus tried to think about what he would want to be told when he comes out - he wants total acceptance. So that’s exactly what he wants to give to Sirius. 

To be told this, the exact opposite to what has been screamed at him growing up, snapped something inside of Sirius. He bows his head and lets it rest on the werewolf’s thigh and cried, louder and more erratic than before. Remus rubs his back until he calms. He didn’t realise that he himself was crying until he opened his eyes and saw his own tears waiting to drop onto his skin. Seeing Sirius like this felt like someone was stabbing his heart with hundreds of needles. 

“Thank you” Sirius whispers as he sits up. 

“You don’t have to thank me. It’s what any decent human would have said”

“No. Just anybody would have awkwardly nodded and said okay but... you’re not just anybody. You’re you and you always seem to understand. Even something like this! You’re not gay but you get it... so thank you”. Sirius, for the first time in a long time, smiles as he looks up at Remus; who’s now breathing quicker and who’s hands are getting sweaty. He prepares himself.

“Actually...I’m...” he sighs and Sirius narrows his brows.

“What?” He puts a hand on Remus’ knee, a little too far up, making Remus’ cheeks burn.

“I am. Well, not gay but... I’m bisexual.” He rushes. Sirius has his mouth open slightly and looks shocked but then smiles.

“Well... you don’t have to worry, I love you no -“

“You don’t have to -“ Remus begins with a chuckle at Sirius’ recital of what he had told him, only to be interrupted. 

“Yes, I do,” Remus looked up at Sirius, “What you said is what everyone wants to hear when they come out.” He moved his hand from the werewolf’s knee and up to his left cheek and looked him in the eyes. “I love you no matter what. I’m fucking proud of you for telling me and I accept you for who you are.” Remus wasn’t sure when he started crying; just a few tears, but they illustrated a world of doubt and worry being released. 

Before Remus realised what he was doing, he leaned close to Sirius and kissed him. It was desperate and imperfect which was what made it all the better. Sirius combed his fingers into Remus’ hair and kisses back, slowing it down from the desperate mess it was. When they pull away they are still breathing heavy with their eyes closed.

“Sorry... I just -“ Remus begins to apologise but is interrupted,

“Don’t apologise. Just kiss me again.” Sirius pleaded. Now eyes open, Remus looks at the boy still holding onto his face. He exhaled in amusement before grabbing onto Sirius’ collar and pulling him slowly towards him. Both hearts beating fast, this kiss is much more gentle and builds in heat. 

They carry on long enough for the fire to become just glowing embers. 

Both are broken in their own ways, but they fit perfectly together. As they kiss, they both feel something click into place. Like it was always meant to be there.

Like it was written in the stars.


End file.
